How Lord Moldy Voldy Lost his Nose
by Kichi Hisaki
Summary: Read the title, and find out for yourself! My first shot at Parody and Harry Potter anything, so be nice.


Hello! This is Kichi Hisaki. First Harry Potter anything that I've ever written, so be nice to me.

Anyways, in case you were wondering why the hell I'm posting something like this, I was taking a poll about Harry Potter, and one of the questions was, "How did Lord Voldemort lose his nose?" And this is my answer. Only, in a more detailed version.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Harry Potter in any way, shape, or form. So don't ask me for a free copy of the books, because I don't have the authority to hand them out.

And just to let you know, I love Draco. Dearly. I want him to be my slave. And I don't think that Dumbledore is fat.

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Harry sat in his Magical History class, staring out the window in boredom. 'Another day wasted doing school work.' A small voice in the back of his head screamed at him to not let Hermione hear him, but he waved it away.

It was well into the fifth year of school, and things with Umbridge were beginning to get more irritating. 'Not to mention hurtful,' he thought as he rubbed the back of his hand. The lines, "I must not tell lies" were still healing from his last detention. All of the students were starting to really hate that pink-loving woman, including some of the Slytherins.

'Heck, I wish Voldemort could take her away...' He snickered at that thought. 'Though, she'd probably scare him away with all of her pink and little kittens. Ahh, I could see it now: "He Who Must Not Be Named--Death by Kittens!" Who would have thought it?'

A few of the students in class gave him strange looks as he tried to hold in his snorts of laughter.

Harry continued to sit quietly, thinking about Voldemort and the last encounter with him, when a sudden thought popped in his head.

'Where did his nose go?'

It was a disturbing thought; truthfully, he had no idea why he was thinking such a thing. But the thought wouldn't leave his mind. It was as if he could see the nose flying around his face, asking, "Where is my face? Where is my face?"

So, he decided to do something about it. Ask the Sorting Hat! The Sorting Hat knew all! Raising his hand and clearing his throat loudly, he asked, "Professor Binns, may I go to the infimory? I feel out of sorts..."

"What? Oh, yes..."

And with that, Harry was happily making his way to Dumbledore's office.

He arrived at the Gargoyle, and looked up at it, questioning what kind of sweets that the Headmaster was interested in now. He heard of an American sweet earlier this week... Well, it was more of a breakfast food, but it was very sugary... Oh well.

"Donuts?"

And the Gargoyle sprang to life and jumped to the side. Harry blinked, then shrugged. "Oh, well. If Professor Dumbledore wants to get fat, it's his choice."

He stepped onto the moving staircase, humming a tune as he made his way up to the office. Reaching the door, he knocked on it three times and waited for a call to come in. When he heard nothing, Harry pushed the door open and peered inside. Seeing no one, he swiftly walked inside and retrieved the Sorting Hat from its place on the shelf, and then plopped the dusty thing onto his mop of hair.

"Ah, so you've come again, I see. Here to see if you really belong in Slytherin again? I could make a few changes, if you want..."

"No, I have no intentions of being part of the same house as Malfoy and his Fag Patrol. He can prance around being a puff all he wants, chasing boy tail isn't my thing. Nor is getting AIDS."

"Well, in that case, I can see why you didn't want to be in Slytherin. Had the same problem a hundren years ago... Those damn fags." A cough was heard from the hat. "So what can I help you with?"

"I was wondering... What happened to Voldemort's nose?"

The Sorting Hat jumped on Harry's head. "Wow! That's the first time I was ever asked that question. What made you ask that?"

"Curious."

"Curiosity killed the cat, you know."

"And I'm a person, not a cat, last time I checked. So, do you know what happened to it?"

"Are you questioning my knowledge? Of course I know!

"Well, what happened was that when he was in total power (before you became The Boy Who Lived), he one day decided to go to the muggle world and take a look around the mall. When he got there, he saw a skating park and wanted to see what that was about. But he got too close and ended up with a skateboard flying at his face. It was too unexpected, so he didn't have time to put up a ward to protect himself. He flew backwards and landed on the stairs of the mall, his face unrecognizable. When his followers found him, it was too late to save his gorgeous looks, so they took him to his home and repaired him best they could. That's how he ended up bald and without a nose."

Harry sat, dumbfounded, as he processed the information. After a few minutes of silence, he said, "You know... That actually makes sense..."

"That's because that happened, boy. Now leave me alone. I was busy making up a song for the next school year."

He rolled his eyes. "As long as it has nothing to do with donuts and the forwarning of a fat Dumbledore, I'm good."

The End!

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So that was my answer. Hope you guys enjoyed. Review, alright?Hearts. 


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